A few of the following statements are untrue.

Keith is a dynamic individual often seen roller-blading or skate-boarding down steep inclines using only his keen sense of smell to navigate around obstacles. He translates old IBM technical manuals for hardware engineers on the weekends. He is often found hard at work with his favorite hobby: collecting molds, spores, and fungus. While on vacation, Keith usually will go deep-sea diving for treasure using only two empty Coke bottles, a balloon, and flashlight. The university has provided him with a personal 24-hour parking space close to the Computer Sciences building.

He sells CPU time on his Cray super-computer which he won as a door-prize at a major computer convention. Keith previously worked as a consultant for the National Security Agency decoding private communications between the Mafia and a major breakfast donut manufacturer. He discovered the cure to the common cold, but unfortunately the solution was lost in an baffling bathroom porcelain fire. Newton's Second Law of Motion does not apply to Keith. He discovered a cheap, freely-available energy source but was threatened by several powerful companies in the Middle East. One time, Keith successfully performed brain surgery on a elderly man using his Swiss Army knife while they were trapped in an elevator.

Keith is the main speaker at a weekly seminar that discusses modern cursive writing systems. He is sensitive to electo-magnetic signals in the 2-meter amateur radio band. Once while touring the Holy Land, he raised enough capital to save a small Silicon Valley software firm from bankruptcy by selling bubble gum to the homeless. He won a Russian spelling bee after having learned the language over a weekend. In his spare time, he designs towering sky-scrapers, futuristic cars, and wooden lofts for dormitory rooms. Keith has been entrusted with the nuclear missle launch codes for the USA in the event that the President cannot be reached in time. He is a winner of several awards for his nylon fashion contributions to the clothing industry. Whistling modem tones through a phone allows him to "hear" his email.

Keith participates in secret operations for the Central Intelligence Agency from time to time. He was asked to fill-in for Rush drummer, Neil Peart, who suffered an illness during a recent tour. He helped capture seven of the Federal Bureau of Investigation's Ten Most Wanted using his connections to the convenience store industry. He can factor extremely large numbers in his head. He learned how to store video images on a laser disc using only the power of the sun. Keith is well-known collector of vintage operating systems of ancient computer hardware. He has written plays for several thriving Bangladeshi theater companies. Keith has also been known to sell prime real estate to unsuspecting Web-surfers, sight unseen.