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[Werner Uhrig: <juck-juck> guess why I started a Xmas wish-list ... ]
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To: yucks
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Subject: [Werner Uhrig: <juck-juck> guess why I started a Xmas wish-list ... ]
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From: Gene Spafford <spaf>
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Date: Wed, 12 Dec 90 09:12:35 EST
------- Forwarded Message
In comp.sys.amiga article <7077@jhunix.HCF.JHU.EDU>
> barrett@jhunix.HCF.JHU.EDU (Dan Barrett) writes:
>
>Some folks wrote about:
>>Subject: Re: Assembler Programming - Costs versus Benefits
>>Subject: Re: Awesome! Now I am Pi**ed!
>>Basically, writing a portable program blah blah blah...
>
> You people in comp.sys.amiga just don't know what you are TALKING
>about! It is TOTALLY OBVIOUS to me that NONE of you have EVER WRITTEN a
>computer program. If you want to see RAW SPEED in an Amiga game, you MUST
>check out
>
> **** B L A Z E M O N G E R ****
>
>THIS IS THE FASTEST AMIGA GAME EVER WRITTEN -- NOTHING ELSE EVEN COMES CLOSE!
>
> Tired of TURRICAN? Is the BEAST a pussycat?? Does the KILLING
>GAME SHOW play like RERUNS of HOME SHOPPING NETWORK??? GET A LIFE!!!!!
>BLAZEMONGER animates at 200 FRAMES PER SECOND -- so blindingly FAST that you
>need TWO MONITORS just to WATCH THE INTRO!!!
>
> Forget C! Forget ASSEMBLER! Forget all those SLOW, WIMPY
>LANGUAGES!! BLAZEMONGER is written in 100% CRAY YMP MACHINE CODE for the
>ULTIMATE in SPEED!!!
>
> BLAZEMONGER goes DIRECTLY to the AMIGA HARDWARE for unmatched
>performance. While BLAZEMONGER is being played, warm boots (ctrl-A-A) have
>ABSOLUTELY NO EFFECT. In fact, you literally CANNOT TURN OFF THE AMIGA
>because BLAZEMONGER takes over the power switch!! (How's THAT for a safety
>feature??) At the same time, POWERMONGER sends thousands of volts through
>your power cable, SOLDERING IT TO THE WALL OUTLET, assuring that UNDER NO
>CIRCUMSTANCES can you EVER accidentally stop this game.
>
> Copy protected? You BET!! BLAZEMONGER uses disk protection, dongle
>protection, "look up the word in the manual" protection, "look up the word
>in the DICTIONARY" protection (Webster's 4th edition), 40-number YALE
>COMBINATION LOCK protection, and an impenetrable TEFLON COATING around the
>entire disk!!! And for your added safety, your high scores are written to
>the super-protected MASTER DISK, so the pesky scores CANNOT ESCAPE and post
>themselves to THOUSANDS OF BULLETIN BOARDS, bragging about their MAGNITUDE!
>
> Multitasking? WHO NEEDS IT?!? BLAZEMONGER is SO AMAZINGLY FAST
>that it takes LESS TIME to COLD BOOT on our custom OS than it does to SWITCH
>SCREENS!! In the time it takes you to run a stupid "clock" program in the
>background, you can play FIVE FULL GAMES of BLAZEMONGER!! YOU DON'T NEED
>ANYTHING ELSE RUNNING!!!
>
> Playability? NO CHANCE!! The RAW SPEED of BLAZEMONGER is so WILDLY
>INTENSE that nobody has EVER beaten this game. You will literally feel WIND
>AGAINST YOUR FACE as the images WHIP past your glazed eyes. The average
>player dies in FIFTEEN DIFFERENT WAYS before he can even PLUG IN THE
>JOYSTICK!!! The best-known high score is in the NEGATIVES!!!
>
> Speaking of joysticks... BLAZEMONGER supports 2-button joysticks,
>3-button joysticks, 3-button mice, 6-button shirts, 24-button ELEVATOR
>PANELS, and even 256-button TELEPHONE OPERATOR SWITCHBOARDS to give you
>precise control over nearly ALL of the 1073 BRAIN-BLASTING ULTIMATE WEAPONS
>available at ALL TIMES!!
>
> Does BLAZEMONGER have a 2-player mode? GET REAL!! BLAZEMONGER
>supports NINE SIMULTANEOUS PLAYERS through the use of CUSTOM JOYSTICKS.
>These little beauties can plug into the serial port, parallel port, SCSI
>port, 2nd-disk-drive port, video port, coprocessor slot, RGB monitor port...
>even the TWO AUDIO OUTPUTS!! And you can add MORE PLAYERS by modem, FAX, or
>GENLOCK!!
>
> So, you C and assembler wimps... go back to your stupid, lazy,
>futile, high-level software engineering TRASH. Go play "Monopoly" or
>something. There is only ONE TRUE GAME for the Amiga, and it is
>BLAZEMONGER. Only $9.95! Look for it in your favorite Amiga software store
>-- it's the package shaped like a plastic explosive wrapped around a lit
>stick of dynamite.
>
> Dan
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